Honestly, if you told me a few months ago I would be totally and completely over my past relationship, I would’ve said you were fucking crazy! I cried for what seemed like forever, I felt I was stuck with this never ending pain, and it was never going to go away. I remember saying to my friends and family, what if I die and I’m still in love with him, it was that extreme. I am not the type of person who falls in love lightly, I love so deeply with every inch of my heart to the point it honestly consumes me, so as you can imagine, it felt as if I was NEVER going to get over it, and I would be in this rainstorm of heartbreak for the rest of my life. I’m writing this to tell you, YOU WILL GET OVER IT!
I am living proof that you will get over a past relationship, even when you feel SO heartbroken. I wanted to write this for anyone who just needs that extra bit of hope, I promise you, this will pass.
I was in a relationship for a year, I honestly though that this was it, he was the love of my life and I was never going to meet anyone again because this was the person I was going to marry and have kids with, we spoke about that shit all the time (lol don’t be fooled, sometimes its all just words.) I then ended up back in this relationship about a year and a half afterwards, except this time it was an absolute disaster. I was SO unhappy and felt so broken and was crying almost every day, wondering why I wasn’t enough, why I couldn’t change him, why he kept not giving a shit about breaking my heart over and over again. I developed some extremely bad coping mechanisms, I just wanted to do anything and everything to numb the pain. It has only been through a lot of therapy that I have discovered that in these months that I have spent chasing someone who would never be the person I wanted them to be, I lost so much love and respect for myself, and now that I have claimed that back, and I have a healthy and happy relationship with myself, and everything is so different. It is honestly so easy to get over someone when you love yourself more than you love them. I can’t express enough, how much I never thought this day would come, and I bet my friends and family are so bloody glad the day has arrived after having to pick up the pieces of my broken heart for 2 years! (love you guys.) The idea of living a life that didn’t involve him, or him being with someone else made me feel physically sick. Now, the idea of living a life that is rid of negativity and half love, is so exciting! The thought of falling in love again with someone who will love me as much as I love them is wonderful. I truly believe I am worthy of love, and I will never settle for someone who doesn’t deserve me again.
I know how hard it is, when you associate every song or film or place with someone who used to be so special to you, how hearing a certain album or artist makes you want to breakdown as it brings back all the memories you two had together. I promise you, this will go away. I know what it feels like to go out and get super drunk and text your ex, I promise you, the day will come when the last thing on your mind is that person, and you can happily get drunk without feeling the need to contact them!
I honestly used to DREAD the day that he would move on and find someone new, I felt as if I physically wouldn’t be able to cope. I thought I would never find anyone else, and I’d never fall in love again. But I learned that I fell out of love with my ex a long time ago, when we got back together, it wasn’t love, it was an obsession mixed with my extremely low self esteem which allowed me not to be treated the way I should have. I just wanted to be loved, but I had to fall in love with myself first, and that’s something I thought was impossible. I remember every day when I was crying my eyes out to my mum questioning why I was in so much pain because I loved him so much, and why I again wasn’t enough for someone, and she kept saying “Emma this is not love, this is not what love is, love doesn’t cause this amount of pain” and she was damn right! I was so upset every single day that I was forgetting who I was because all I knew was that I was in love and all that mattered to me was making this relationship work. I can't tell you how great it feels to not have to dread every phone call, and stress over the fact I’m getting ignored or being sent shitty replies, or be worried when he’s out with other women, or being worried that he didn’t want to see me when all I wanted to do was spend time with him. I have finally set myself free.
It is truly is a beautiful thing to live a life where you love with your whole heart, but giving that love to those who deserve it. I have a big bundle of love and I give it all to my friends, my family and myself.
Please, if you are unhappy in your relationship, you are not being treated right, if someone is not even meeting the basic needs of what someone wants in a relationship, if someone is breaking your heart over and over again, please, leave. You are worth SO much more than someone who can’t give you what you deserve. Learn to love yourself and the pain will slowly fade away and as you realise your worth, it honestly feels like a whole new world.
I have loved going out and dating and meeting new people, and I can do this so freely without being so hung up on someone else. I know this sounds extreme, but I feel alive again. I felt as if I was a dampened version of myself when I was still in love with him. I hope this post can give you hope, that the pain does end, and I know you’re thinking no it doesn’t its been so long, it wont ever go away, but it will. You need to figure out what it is that is keeping you so attached to this person. I realised that I was struggling to let go of what I had created in my head, the version of the person I thought I loved, did not exist. The fantasy that I wanted so bad was never going to be reality, I learned to let go of that fantasy, I learned to realise what the actual reality of the situation was, and it was that the relationship was never going to fulfil my needs, and I deserve better than to be half loved. Keep going, you can do this, you will get over it!
I am sending love to anyone who needs it, you are not alone <3